Think of a time when you were in a bar. Suddenly, you see a beautiful person, someone you get attracted to and want to talk with. What do you do?
Some “superhumans” just go up and talk to the person, but I would probably start thinking instead if it was me. Thoughts like: Why would she want to talk to me? She is way out of my league. What would we talk about? What if she rejects me?
Have you had the same experience?
Thoughts and feelings like shyness, poor self-esteem, and fear of rejection are painful. It’s something we want to escape from. Luckily, there is a “solution” in a bar: Alcohol.
We start drinking. We take one shot, and life feels a bit easier. But the gorgeous person still feels out of our reach. So, we take another drink and then another one. Gradually, the painful thoughts of shyness, poor self-worth, and fear of rejection are pushed away. After a few drinks, we might make our move. On a bit unsteady leg, we walk over to the person. Perhaps she rejects us. Maybe she thinks our walking style is funny. But the important thing is our painful thoughts and feelings are temporarily gone.
Our brain has discovered a way to get rid of pain! Of course, that is addictive! What do you think will happen next time we walk into a bar? Do you think we’ll start drinking faster then? We make the connection between alcohol and pain release stronger every time we do. The stronger emotions involved, the quicker the brain will learn.
We believe gambling works the same way!
Excitement, anticipation, and optimism are feelings that get people to start gambling. It’s fun to gamble. It’s releasing tons of dopamine, and dopamine feels great.
Think of the example from the bar. But, instead of alcohol, we use gambling. What do you think would happen with painful feelings like loneliness, shyness, poor self-confidence, and stress when a person gambles?
It’s likely; the joyful feelings will numb the painful feelings.
Gambling has the same effect as alcohol, and the brain will create a similar connection. Every time we gamble, the link gets stronger. We define gambling addiction as:
If a person in pain feels an urge to gamble, then he/she is a gambling addict.
To stop gambling, it’s essential to understand what gambling is doing for you. We often talk about the negative aspects of gambling. How gambling can destroy relationships, cause debt, and create self-hatred. But if gambling only caused negative things, we would stop as soon as the negatives were bigger than the positives.
NEGATIVE > POSTIVE
But gambling addicts don’t stop because gambling does something for them.
One way to understand what gambling is doing for you is to ask yourself:
- What happens when I gamble?
- Does gambling create a moment of peace?
- What do I think of, and how do I feel?
- What do I NOT think of, and what do I NOT feel?
Spend time on these questions. They might be the key to a successful recovery. The answers will help you to understand what you need to do to break free from the addiction.
A few samples from our members:
I often feel lonely when my wife is working late. Gambling has been an escape from that. When I gamble, I forget that I feel lonely.
//Thomas
I’m a stay-at-home mum. I take care of the kids all day. I cook, clean, drive the kids to sports activities and run errands. I’m stressed all the time. Gambling became a distraction, a way for me to relax. Me time. While playing slots, I don’t feel stressed. It became my escape.
//Michaela
I started gambling when I was a student. At first, I thought it could generate extra income, but I just lost money. I kept gambling, though; I didn’t know why. Years later, I realized that gambling distracted me when I felt anxious about my studies and for doubting myself.
//Mihai
When answering the question: What is gambling doing for you? It might be most helpful to focus on what you don’t feel and think of. People struggle to stop gambling because they just try to stay away from gambling. But they don’t do anything about why gambling was so attractive in the first place!
Do you think Thomas would gamble less if he didn’t feel lonely in the evenings? How about Michaela if she found a better way to deal with her stress or Mihai’s anxiety?
What happens when you gamble?
Think about it over the next few days and write down the answer. Then come back, and you can start working on these things. It’s precisely for that we’ve developed the video courses.
Good luck!
IMAGINE BEING GAMBLING FREE
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